Before I introduce my topic, let me begin by saying that I will not apologize. I refuse to apologize for my feelings, my anger or my criticism. Now that that has been said, allow me to take a moment to thank my lucky stars that my father is as loyal and as sacrificing as he is. I love you baba.

Some of you readers will sympathize and agree with me,  some of you wont. Fair enough. Some of you may be victims, bystanders or some of you may even be the very ones I will openly attack in this post as the selfish, arrogant beings you are. There are some who may be cowards and others who I have yet to decide on a name for. In any case, something despicable.

Before I talk at length about this, may I also add that I do not criticize my religion. I love my religion. But there are those who abuse our laws by twisting them to their own advantage -excuses, if you may- and pledge that they are living to the accordance of Islamic laws.

My topic dear reader, is multiple marriage. Now I will talk at length, so read closely.

Let’s start with religion shall we? Before we get into the web of feelings.

The first excuse a man makes when he takes on a new wife is “the shari3a allows me to have 4 wives and therefore I have done nothing that violates my religion.” Yaay! So you think you know your stuff eyh? Do you also know the conditions on which you may take on a bride while committed to another? The most basic principle is equality. I know, you’re thinking “well I divide my days and money blah blah”. No buddy. You can’t ever be equal. You can never ever evenly divide your love between two (let alone 4) women. You cannot. Don’t kid yourself.

Excuse number two: “she doesn’t give me what I need”. You have clean clothes in your closet? Food on the table when you’re hungry? Conceived kids? Does she not smile in your face?! Does she not tend to you when you’re ill? Yes? No? Re-prioritize your needs.

Excuse number three: “I can’t stand life with her” Did you talk to her about your problems? Did you try again and again to make your life a better one for your family’s sake? DiD YOU?! I assume not. Because if you had done so and failed, you’d be divorced. Or, you wouldn’t have lived a secret parallel life if you had felt justified. I know some men do not keep their marriages a secret, but the common case is that they do.

Excuse number 4: “She’s grown old and unattractive” Lovely. And you’ve gotten younger? Is she not still by your side accepting Your old age? Is she in a wheel chair? Take a good look at yourself, you aren’t exactly a Tom Cruise double are you?

Excuse number 5: “I fell in love” Seriously, this is one of the excuses that more than any other, would make me itch for a baseball bat to club the face of the guy who says this. You are a cheating, disloyal liar. You were married. You were married and you were able to CONSIDER looking at someone else. You had an emotional affair. An affair that is condemned by the religion you so confidently blanket yourself with. You favored your lust over the stability of your family.

You see that woman? The woman who you see as old, too busy for you, unattractive and maybe angry? Go kiss her hands that you think are too rough because they got rough scrubbing and cleaning for you. Go kiss those eyes that you see as too aged because they aged crying out of agony because of you. Go kiss the head you see full of grey and white for those hairs are a result of raising your children while you were tending to your secret life. Maybe she’s been busy and tired raising a family that you thought was not enough. On second thought, don’t kiss any of those things. Because you don’t deserve to.

If your wife left you when you took another, I salute her. She should have given you the boot long ago anyway. If you’re happy that she hasn’t.. be grateful ’cause trust me she didn’t do it for you. You see that little boy that grew into twice the man you think you are? That little girl who grew into a wonderful woman? That’s who she did it for. Not for you. She didn’t do it so that you wouldn’t have a family, she did it so that her children wouldn’t grow up wondering why They didn’t have one.

I know some men feel justified; like they have a thousand excuses or maybe even one good one. But the truth of the matter is that you don’t. No matter how horrible your wife was or how badly you wanted someone else, you made a commitment in front of God and everyone else to honor your wife. Your family. You were weaker than to save your marriage and your children. You didn’t save them. You can’t. Because nothing you do can erase the pain you brought on them for having a “borrowed” father. You took the easy way out.

Being a father – a parent – is NOT a part-time job. It ISN’T. And it sure as hell is not part of dividing your life between two different women! Whether you get divorced, married, remarried or decide to hitch it with a bloody frog your kids have NOTHING to do with it!

You can’t win both ways. You won’t.

I’m going to apologize now, but not to those unforgivable men. I will apologize to those women who became victims.

I have never known your pain and I hope I never will. Perhaps I don’t even fully understand it. But I’m sorry. Because I used to judge you. I used to think that staying with a man who has betrayed you was foolish. I now realize just how wrong I was. You are not foolish. You are brave. You are the strongest women on earth because you’re strong for those kids. Because unlike your ungrateful husband, you still have not given up. Because your heart is bigger than his soul. You are brave, wonderful women and nothing will ever demean that. If someone chooses someone else over you, they have bad taste. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve done for your family.

And you Mr? Shame on you. Shame on you for doing what you’ve done to your family. Shame on you for breaking their hearts and letting their tears fall and for ever making them feel like they weren’t enough. Shame on you for hurting the woman who sacrificed their youth, sweat, blood and tears for you. She is much more beautiful than any woman you’ll ever meet because she is the woman who stood strong, held her family together and didn’t tear it apart no matter how much it hurt. I can’t understand what beauty there is to see in a person who would allow herself to be the cause of ruin in another woman’s life.

There is no excuse. So don’t make them.

I really do hope that by the end of this post, all those men who have done so will understand what they’ve done. If you have built new families, be good to your children and make it up to those you’ve hurt. Tell them they deserve better. Tell your children they’re more than enough. Because they are. Do something to make things right before you leave this world.

If you want to strangle me (as I think you might), let me put it this way. Look at your daughter. Look at the joy of her young innocence. Would you allow it to be stolen away? Would you allow someone to hurt her and scar her heart? I didn’t think so. So why let it happen to your wife? She was someone’s little  girl too.

Your children should never have to feel like you’re something borrowed. Make sure they don’t. It’s the least you can do. None of you kids should ever have to feel like they can’t reach out for you. Don’t bring them into the world just to make their world fall apart.

..It’s amazing what strength God has poured into us women. And they call us weak. Hmph. Look at your wife if you don’t believe me. She’s a breathing example. She can swallow her pain and forgive and still be loyal. She can still love wholly with her broken heart. She can still smile at what I cannot imagine surviving. I wish I was as strong as her. I just pray that I never have to be.

A wife is not a slave. She is not some wrapper u can use up and throw aside. She should be treated as the queen she rightly is.